As I press on into my 30s, still remain single and received a PCOS diagnosis earlier this year, I’ve started looking into freezing my eggs. My thought process is, if I’m still single by the end of my 30s or early 40s, at least I can go at motherhood on my own. Ideally, I’d like for the stars in some far away galaxy to align, so that I can do this with a loving partner by my side. But as the hands on the clock move forward, I have to remain open to the possibility of doing IVF solo.
But here’s the thing: that’s illegal in Switzerland.
The Gamble
If I freeze my eggs today in Switzerland and decide somewhere along the 10 year threshold they keep my eggs on ice for, that I want to have a baby on my own, I can’t. Legally, to use my own eggs for IVF, I have to be in a relationship.
I know what you’re thinking: “can’t you just transport them to another country?”. I got my answer when I went for my egg freezing consultation at Zurich University Hospital (USZ). If I want to transport them out of the country, it has to be because I’m officially moving. They cannot transport my eggs if it’s to undergo a procedure that is considered illegal in Switzerland.
I find the whole thing abstract and infuriating. It’s hard to understand how something that belongs to me (my eggs), suddenly don’t until I meet a certain relationship status.
I’ve lived the majority of my life in Switzerland, but was only made aware of this draconian requirement earlier this year. Were it not for a friend who has bravely told me about her IVF journey, I would never have known about it. Most women I speak to have also never heard of this.
I’ve had people tell me to just do it in Switzerland. They reason that surely I’ll be in a relationship within those 10 years and/or the law will have changed. That’s a huge gamble to take though. Save for a 5-month relationship in 2021, I’ve been single for the better part of 13 years now (I know, I know…you know). Given my track record, I’m not willing to bet on Prince Charming’s timing, nor am I willing to settle for someone solely for the sake of kids. I’d rather be single than with the wrong person. And given Switzerland’s historically painful transition on matters of equality (think women’s right to vote coming through in 1970 and same-sex marriage in 2022) this also feels like a major gamble. Imagining 10 years down the line that my eggs would simply be thrown out if I hadn’t met a partner, actually makes me feel physically ill. Can you imagine what that would feel like? An utter loss and waste of time.
I’m lucky that my home country, Denmark, allows IVF as a single woman. Unlike other women who have to face the reality of travelling to a foreign country, where they don’t know the culture and it might feel alien to them, Denmark at least has a sense of home to me. But ideally, I’d like to undergo this sensitive decision from the comfort and peace of my own home in Zurich. While I jack myself up with hormones to eventually have a long needle inserted into me to extract the eggs, I’d love to go back to my own apartment afterwards, and not to a hotel room.
Social freezing is becoming ever more popular and there’s an array of reasons for women doing it. However, I don’t think many make the decision lightly. As The New York times wrote in a 2022 piece about social freezing, “the process…is physically, financially and emotionally demanding”. I haven’t even started the process and I already feel stressed. When you factor in that I now have to coordinate going abroad, it makes it all the more stressful,
The Consultations
I wanted to hear about the legal side of things straight from the horse’s mouth, and I also wanted to gain a clearer perspective of what exactly social freezing entails, so I got an appointment at the USZ. If anyone feels inspired after reading this to make a consultation, note that you don’t get one quick. I wrote at the end of June and was given a consultation on August 20th - to be fair, I didn’t call to press for an earlier time. In preparation for your appointment you have to fill out several forms including consent forms and forms about your medical history.
I was worried that I would face unsupportive behaviour during the consultation. When I received my PCOS diagnosis earlier this year, I talked to my new gynaecologist about freezing my eggs. She was supportive of this, but less so when the conversation turned to becoming a solo mum. I told her I was concerned about the requirement to be in a relationship to use my eggs, to which she said that in her personal opinion she would not recommend becoming a single mother. She went on to tell me about someone she knows who did it. This woman had a history of depression and had no support network, so it had been awful. Funny thing is, I hadn’t asked for a personal opinion and couldn’t help but feel the comment about depression was very pointed after I’d just given her my whole medical history, including getting off of antidepressants after being on them for 12 years. It also very naively assumes that all women who get pregnant while in a relationship, are with a loving supportive partner and have a great support network. We have enough stories out there to know this is not always the case.
I needn’t have worried about my consultation though. I met with the loveliest doctor who thoroughly explained the process and gently made me aware of the fact that I need to be in a relationship to use my eggs, then acknowledged Switzerland is conservative and she wished it were different. When she heard I was Danish, she advocated for Denmark and their progressiveness, saying it would also be a great option for me to freeze my eggs there. I also learned during this consultation that even if you’re in a relationship, you need to prove you’ve been trying to conceive for 6-12 months without success, before you can use your eggs. I didn’t ask for clarity on how one proves this to them.
If you are as clueless as I was about the process of social freezing, here is a very rough outline of how USZ approaches it. I am no medical expert and there was a lot of information to absorb so please do your own research and schedule your own individual consultations, but here’s the gist of it (when we get to my consultation with the Danish clinic, you’ll see some differences):
Initial consultation
Gynaecological examination testing hormones, infections, ultrasounds and testing Anti-Müllerian Hormone (AMH) - this gives a rough idea of how many eggs you have
2 - 4 weeks of taking a hormonal tablet to put the ovaries into a type of “reset”. The doctor said this was not a “popular” phase as side effects include mood swings, headaches and trouble sleeping.
Hormonal injections to stimulate follicle growth. This takes around 14 days. From what I understand you take two types of medications - one to stimulate the ovaries, the other to stop ovulation.
Once the eggs are ready to be extracted, you go in for a same day surgery that takes about 20 minutes. At USZ you’re under full anaesthesia and can go home after.
Your eggs are frozen and can be stored for a maximum of 10 years.
It’ll cost around CHF 4000-5000 per cycle, this excludes the rent for the space to freeze your eggs which is a yearly fee of CHF 400 and medicine which is between CHF 1000-2000
How many eggs do you get? Very hard to say as it’s very individual, but the doctor recommended trying to get 20 eggs. This can take multiple cycles to achieve, so you’re potentially looking at a hefty bill.
After explaining the process, the doctor said I was relatively young to be doing social freezing (I’m 32 but turn 33 in December). This surprised me and initially I left the appointment deciding I’d come back to the idea of social freezing in two years time. But after more thought, I decided against this. Women I have met who are going through IVF now in their late 30s/start 40s have all urged me to freeze my eggs now. So why wait?
This meant I had to expand my search to a Danish clinic. I was recommended Juno IVF in Copenhagen, and I set up an online consultation with them. I met with an extremely kind midwife who explained their process. Their treatment is similar to USZ, though there was no mention about the hormonal tablets to “reset” the ovaries (I felt a little overwhelmed during the call so I forgot to ask). And to my dismay, the procedure is done while you’re awake…nearly enough of a reason for me to gamble and do it in Switzerland…I’m extremely squeamish and any talk about body parts makes me nauseous. The midwife explained I won’t feel pain but I’ll notice someone is….rummaging about.
I really started to understand the fragility of this process during my consultation with the midwife. Eggs that are inseminated and then frozen, apparently have a better pregnancy success rate than eggs that aren’t, adding another layer of complexity to the whole thing. The thought of having to already select a sperm donor made me groan. Sensing I’m holding out for “the one”, she told me some women do a treatment cycle where they don’t inseminate the eggs, and then one where they do. She also explained that some eggs are not mature enough when they are extracted, and some don’t survive the freezing or the thawing…like I said, fragile business. We didn’t touch upon pricing but I can see on their price list, social freezing is set to DKK 25’000 - just over CHF 3100, with subsequent treatments at DKK 23000. My consultation cost DKK 1000, which seems to be refundable if I buy a package.
Social freezing clearly isn’t a walk in the park but I’ve made up my mind. I’m doing it in Denmark.
It will be a logistical nightmare. The game plan is that I will do the required scans/check ups with my own gynaecologist here in Switzerland and send the reports back to the clinic in Denmark. Given my current gynaecologist’s “personal opinion” though, I’m a little worried she won’t want to play ball and help me freeze my eggs abroad. I’m hoping she will though, because having to go back and forth to Denmark to do the scans and checks not only drives up the cost, but adds to the emotional and physical taxation. Where I can spare energy here, I will.
Like USZ’s next step, Juno IVF’s next step is to do blood work and test the AMH hormone. The midwife sent me a list of things that needed to be checked. If I get the green light to go ahead with social freezing, I’ll aim to start in January 2025. I have a busy rest of the year with long haul flights and feel it’s best to do this when there’s some quiet time. The midwife also suggested finding a time frame where life is a little more quiet.
I’ve never had an overwhelming desire to be a mother and only recently I wasn’t sure it was meant for me. But when I try to imagine a life without a child, something, somehow, feels amiss. The process of freezing my eggs seems like it will be taxing, and I’m not looking forward to it. But I know I would live with eternal regret if down the line it proves this was the only way I was able to give myself a shot at my own biological child. I know there’s also no guarantee that freezing my eggs means I’m secure. As I said, it’s a fragile process but at least I’d have the peace of mind that I took every precaution to try and secure my future family plans.
I could try and keep this very clinical - that it is what it is. I have to go abroad to freeze my eggs because the law in Switzerland would, as it is now, make it impossible for me to have a child on my own. As I don’t have a partner and don’t know if I’ll meet someone, this is too big a gamble. Simple.
But it’s not that simple. It’s an extremely emotional journey to be embarking on. I don’t want to inject myself with hormones. I don’t want to have a long needle inserted through my vagina to extract the eggs from my ovaries and be conscious while it’s done. I don’t want to coordinate gynaecological examinations here with online consultations with the clinic in Denmark. I don’t want to fly to a country and do this where I can’t go home to the comfort of my own place afterwards. But it is what it is, so here we go.
As I’ve proceeded into the social freezing realm, I now know what it is that hits so hard and makes it so emotional: Doing this, at least for me, is an admittance that certain aspects of my life are not where I want them to be. It’s not the child that I long for, it’s the partner. I have to take this step because there is no one to have a family plan conversation with. There is just me.
To be continued…
Here are some useful links if you're trying to understand the process in Switzerland:
Also including the link to the clinic in Copenhagen:
The information sheets I was given at my consultation at USZ -this does not include the booklet I got. The material is in German so I hope you have a German buddy nearby to help out if needed!
IMPORTANT: I'm not critiquing USZ, it's the Swiss law I'm opposing surrounding a single woman's right to do IVF. I was treated with utter professionalism during my consultation so please don't steer frustrations towards them....but do feel free to steer it towards policy makers in Switzerland!
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